Lost in Regret
by KnightlyWordsmith
Summary: There are a great many things that Carolina regrets, but none so much as it being too late for her to tell York three simple words. RvB. One-shot.


Carolina wandered aimlessly through the rubble of the former Freelancer Base. It was done, her lust for revenge fulfilled. With the help of the Alpha and that bumbling bunch of idiots of his, the Director was dead. Yet there was still an emptiness in her.

She continued her way through the blown out base, not knowing what she was searching for, but searching for it nonetheless.

She thought killing the Director would fix it, fill his gaping hole in her chest where her heart once was. Instead she only felt more empty than before.

She'd always been a little rough around the edges. She was too prideful, too intense, too obsessed with coming out on top. She pushed people away without meaning to, even him, but he always came back in the end. Until now.

When she left the project, she'd always imagined that they'd run into each other again. When they did she'd finally be able to tell him how she truly felt, unlike back when she was too prideful to admit her feelings.

Washington had crushed that dream. He'd done it gently, consolingly almost, but no amount of kind words could soften the blow to her heart when he had told her he was dead.

Her foot kicked against a a stray object which went clattering across the debris. When her eyes landed on it she couldn't believe what she was seeing. How could it still be here, after all this time?

The sight of it brought her back to that day, so many years ago. The flash of a grenade, a spray of purple lockdown paint, and her heart catching in her throat as she saw him being thrown back by the force of the explosion.

She had watched over him that night in the medical bay as doctors worked to stabilize him. There was no saving his left eye, they had said once they left, but he should live.

He had roused halfway through her vigil, fevered and delirious from painkillers. One side of his face was a mass of bandages, but the other was alight with recognition when he saw her.

He'd called her beautiful that night, but even then, with him only hours ago being on his deathbed, she was too proud to acknowledge it. She had waved it off, blaming it on the painkillers, and on account of him being half blind. He'd never mentioned it again afterward, and she led herself to believe that he'd been too dazed to remember the night at all.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she knelt down and picked up the dented helm. Her fingers traced the contours of the metal, flitting lightly across the cracked visor. A single tear rolled down her face and onto the shattered glass. Why couldn't she have told him she loved him?

A rash desire caught her. Alpha had said he'd never received a proper burial. She may never have the chance to tell him she loved him, but this much she could do for him.

Not here though, this place was filled with too many bad memories. She tucked the helm close to her chest and ran. She didn't know where she was running, but just like the helm she knew the place would find her.

She didn't go far. She'd only left the outer precincts of the base when she happened upon a quiet grove of trees.

She collapsed to her knees, and started digging. Her hands were raw and bloody by the time she had made a sizable hole, but she was numb to all pain, save the one in her heart.

Gently she lowered the helm into the hole, with all the tender care a mother used when putting her babe to bed.

As she gathered a handful of dirt to being burying the last reminder of the man she had once loved, a choked sob escaped her lips. Her tears were flowing freely now streaming, streaming down her cheeks, splashing on the helm, the dirt and her hands.

In a ragged whisper she croaked, "I love you York," and threw the first handful of dirt.

"I love you York." Another handful. "I love you. York I love you." Another and another.

Her voice rose as more handfuls of dirt found their way into the hole. "I love you York. I love you," she continued, louder and louder.

"I love you!" She shouted to the helm as the last handful of dirt covered it from sight. Her voice broke on the last word and she dissolved into heart wrenching sobs.

"Why couldn't I have told you?" she whispered in despair.

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><p>I'd really appreciate a review for this one. I don't usually write anything that consists solely of romancetragedy so I'd love to know what you thought of it.


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